The cracks that appear
by natashabyrne725
Summary: based on a true-ish story, where a child shares her experience growing up,AU (fake names are used just so the people i refer to don't know its them im talking about) this story is based on events happening in my life, I felt the need to share
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a young teenager called Abby. Abby was only fourteen when she discovered that she was not like other teenagers who are around her. Abby faced adult life way before she needed to and that scared her. Abby had seen resentment and anger expressed a lot while she was growing up. The environment she grew up in was destructive and unhealthy. Abby's parents were called Sam and Melanie. Sam was a unforgiving man who held grudges against his own family, Abby believes that this is guided by hatred and the ability not to forgive and forget. Abby has gotten used to the fact that her parents aren't normal and that they never really cared about her fully. once she got into secondary school she had began to build defensive mechanisms that in her mind would protect her from getting hurt in any situation she was exposed to. Abby's and Sam's relationship isn't what you would call a father daughter relationship. Sam had never attended important events for Abby which is now engraved in her memory. Abby noticed herself slipping into darkness and the only way she felt she could escape was to self-harm or by putting a facade that would show her as a self assured young woman.


	2. Chapter 2

As Abby progressed through school she felt it difficult when she had to face exams, tgey always seemed to bring a weakness out in her. The first big exam she faced literally drove her to breaking point where she considered self harm. Abby felt alone and unable to cope with the pressure her parents put on her, never once had she heard them say 'I love you'. As more years went by Abby met a guy named Eoin, he was from east coast America, Washington to be exact. Eoin was different to other guys she met before, he could make her smile by just hearimg his harmonic voice. They were friends for about a week when all of a sudden Eoin asked would she be his girlfriend, Abby beamed when she read the message and quickly wrote yes, Abby had just started college, she decided to study mechanical engineering because she was interested in how things worked and she really wants to work with cars. She got chatting to a girl named Anne who was pretty sound. The guys in her class didn't really catch her eye, until one called Ronan, he became friends with Anne and Abby, at least thats how she saw it. Ronan was a unusual guy, he came accross as good craic but there was something about him that made it hard to trust him completely


	3. Chapter 3

"Defences mean nothing if they can't keep the smallest thing from fucking you up" this is a personal qoute that i felt tied in with this book, hope everyone is enjoying the story xx

A new week had began and Abby hoped it would be one less plagued by her broken life. Abby had tried her best to keep her defences up, but most of the time she would feel herself get emotional or she would start to think about self-harm, Abby was strong so she always managed to pull herself back from those thoughts. Most of the time this emotion would turn into anger and she hated that anger was a dominant emotion for her. Abby was always careful with who she trusted and the guy she fell for was one she let into her trust circle. When things got rough and tension started to build, Abby felt herself slip into emotional darkness which was dangerous because most times she would scar herself. The thing that broke Abby's strong character was finding out guys in one of her best friend's class called her pennywise. Eventhough she knew they were messing, it struck a cord deep within her. Abby was pretty content in her life, because her boyfriend brought a huge change to her mindset which changed everything, the guys that she talks to don't believe that shes in a relationship, they probably think shes way too broken and unstable in her relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

In a matter of a few years Abby has grown to be a strong-ish independent woman who embraces the weird, she loves books with loads of pain and pleasure, the whole polar opposite thing gives her joy. In Abby's mind she is so broken she feels like sharp glass and anything she touches leaves. Authors like Clarissa Wild has helped her through things. Abby has some religious beliefs that have helped her fight suicidal thoughts and she has also prayed so she could get some assistance in forgiving her parents for forcing her to grow up way too quickly. Abby believes that they are the reason she is feeling the need to live behind a facade all the time. its hard for her to come to terms with the fact that she feels so different. things like that play on her mind and she wonders will people accept how she carries and shows herself to the world. Abby has friends who could tell she is holding back and hiding emotions. People don't comfront her because they are affraid to how she will react, most people just avoid her because it's easier than having to comfront someone who has a really violent temper, although Abby likes to keep guys at a distance there are two in her life who she trusts implecibly. Abby's trust issues were a issue in the past but slowly she's learning not everyone will try hurt her mentally and emotionally. When Abby meets new people she makes judgement calls about them and hopes that her gut feeling is right.


	5. Chapter 5

Abbys life is already full of pain and struggle.the guy's name is George Abby doesnt deserve any happiness the universe teases her with hope but its always taken away from her. The pain in unbearable yet its deserved, those weeks were they didnt speak a word to each other gave Abby time to accept the fact that he basically admitted it to her fully sober when usually he'd tell her after a good few pints. It doesnt help much that she knows her relationship is well over and she has to move on. George one of the few people she trusts and he knows it, he recoginise the fact that she lets her shield down when shes in close to him or talking to him online. The fact she knows that between him and his woman they decided to fuck other people because they both were hoes, Abby also knows that he hasn't touched another woman since his relationship started. For Abby the best option is to avoid him but she was heading to class and she made eye contact with him, their converstation in the wake reminding her of how much he has seen already, even in Abby's mind all she could see was whats underneath and it brought thoughts back, the way he held himself while he stood and looked at her it made the whole world stop for a fraction of a second, she could feel every inch of her being be drawn to him, the plans that once where, now forgotten, all that is left is desire and need. In her own head she would do anything to get it done or she'd skip classes if the opportunity came to her. Abby's body reacts everytime she thinks of him or sees him around campus.


	6. Chapter 6

Abby felt quite raw with emotion because she was only out of her relationship a few days and she wasn't sure how to express her emotion. While things settle down between her and George, Abby has to try put her thoughts of him aside, Abby is pretty nervous about the fact that he already has seen more than what she would have wanted him to see. Abby's in a big predicament in her life because her supposed boyfriend hasn't texted her since way before thanksgiving, so she has had enough and texts him saying the relationship is over, her next challenge is getting through the day without crying. George was with her and a friend for lunch the previous day, Abby could see how much he couldn't look at her body even though shes pretty sure when she went to get lunch he looked, she was wearing shiny heels and she knew that he had a thing for them.

Abby had put a bit of distance between them and she was thankful of the fact Christmas holidays where coming up, because if she was around him for longer more than likely she'd fall for him more than she already has. When she thinks about it she asks herself what the he'll is wrong with her, the very fact she checks her phone a lot to see if he messages, the thought of him unsettles her and scares her so much. Abby wants to be able to build defences but she's already gotten to the point where she can't, he knows so much already but the fact that he could be trying to play with her emotions hurts


	7. Chapter 7

Mistakes we make always have a way of coming back to us, man I wish mine wasn't based on desire and mentality, a lot of you who know me personally may be confused about who up the mystery guy in this book is, some things he left me have left their mark, desire still peaks but trust is being tested.

Abby was talking to her best friend and they were talking about George , Abby's best friend had mentioned George said he was trying to play with Abby's emotions, Abby had felt a surge of anger rise but it soon turned to tears as she wanted him so much that she couldn't bear it if he fucked with her head after he told her that he was glad she was getting better. Abby is slowly moving on from he ex if she could even call him that. For Abby the guy in question is caring but there is a tiny bit of uncertainty because of where he lives. There is one positive thing that has come from the friendship, Abby hasn't felt the need to cut or self harm in ages which is a big step as before she might cut once or twice a week because she felt shackled to her past and couldn't find a way out. George has a bit of leverage over Abby because he knows what she thinks of his body as they were going to "play" with each other. This drove Abby crazy like she couldn't think of anything but his body, his jet black hair and his light beard which she wanted to run her fingers over, gorgeous long legs but what got her was his perfectly sculpted abs. Abby couldn't stay still, a deep desire was awakened within her and she became more playful. Abby had tweaked her walk but more importantly wore heels that she knew he loved. The second she caught him looking she smiled and bit her lip, George started talking to her best friend about improving gag reflexes, Abby suddenly looked at him and swallowed as quietly as she could, her thoughts were going crazy, but somehow the conversation had turned to "serviving" him, so Abby took the opportunity to tease him and she looked him straight in the eye and said 'you'd love if both of us "served" you' indicating to her and her best friend. His reply was 'wouldn't be objected to it' he smiled while he said it, deep down Abby could feel desire be reignited within her. Abby's friend who was with them was horrified with what both her friends had said. Abby turned back around and made her way to class while also hoping he'd get off on the fact she wore his favourite heels.

Abby knew everything about this situation was wrong but she couldn't stop feeling the way she felt. George didn't help much because she couldn't think clearly around him and she nearly always teased him sexually because that's just how she was.


	8. Chapter 8

"Darkness we breathe lives deep in the soul, it's presence means no harm, untreated it burns, leaving doubt and fear in its wake"

Abby's parents really didn't play much part in the shaping of Abby's personality or her in general. Their rejection of care and love hurt so much more than physically possible, one thing kept Abby going was her ability to show a side that held so much sass that sometimes she would lose herself and forget about the issues in her life. Sam Abby's father rarely remembered her birthday or anything special in her life. When a child grows up lonely and cut-off the scars left are like un healed wounds of war. As a young child she wasn't meant to be in the girly girl category, it happened because she needed the cover for when things got tough and unbearable. At primary school, she'd wake up to a empty house, morning duties included getting her own breakfast and doing light make up at the age of 10. The only contact she had with her parents was a phone call after school where she'd let her mum Melanie know what came in the post. This became normal for Abby she also got used to her parents coming home at like 8 or 9 at night when she would be heading for bed. When things got bad for her parents it got bad pretty quick. Abby knew about how Sam was restricted to coming to Abby's christening and how her father resents his wife's sisters. Abby knows no love or affection, she basically bathes in anger and it's a dark place to live for a childhood. What Abby has heard and saw will forever be locked in memory. Abby would regularly push people away because she felt so broken that having people around made it worse, Abby also thought letting people in would make her weak. This is the point that changed her life, wall were built so high nobody could get through unless the faith and trust was present, her emotions were frozen, the became unimportant and a waste of energy.


End file.
